Sunday, 2 March 2014

156: Cum to the Cabaret

See what I did up there?  Substituting the word 'Cum' for 'Come' to create a filthy double meaning?  That's pure comic genius.  I'm amazed no-one has ever thought of doing it before, but they haven't.  Sometimes these amazing ideas come to me (Cum to me lol!) out of nowhere.  I know what you are thinking.  I'm sure I have seen this wordplay before but no, no you haven't.  I invented it.  You are wrong.

Okay, so it's weak and clich├ęd  - sue me!  Wait.... if anyone has copyrighted that wordplay and actually is in a position to sue me then totes don't - I love you!

I am going to cut to the chase this week and introduce a lovely Austrian Daddybear.  His name is Erwin Steinhauer and he is an actor and cabaret artist.  That's new.  I don't think I have covered a Cabaret artist on here before.  More importantly, Herr Steinhauer, I haven't shagged a cabaret artist either so if you feel like helping an old altar boy out..... no?  Fuck you then.

Now, I don't know much about Cabaret except what I gleamed from the film which makes it seem like music, sexy dancing, comedy and satire and a very creepy and menacing MC.  If anyone is more familiar with this world - am I far off the mark?  Erwin Steinhauer formed a Cabaret troupe in 1977 and set about becoming sexier and sexier which is, in my opinion, the most important thing a man can do.  Interestingly, the word 'Cabaret' has a double meaning too!  It can also be the name of a Mediterranean-style brothel.  Oh please, tell me this was the kind of cabaret that Erwin performed in.  A little bit of acting then hairy ass out for the dining clients.

Sometimes clean shaven (cute) and sometimes bearded (exceptionally cute), Steinhauer has appeared in many films and TV series.  The most recent of which is a film called 'The Dark Valley' which is, hopefully, entirely about the area between is butthole and ballsack.  I know, I know - how can you make a whole movie about a guy's taint?  Well, I have some ideas but primarily I see it as an arthouse movie along the lines of 'Koyaanisqatsi' which a lovely Philip Glass score and time lapse photography of his pubic hair gently moving in the breeze, may the odd erection to cast shadows and cum running down towards the ass crack.  I think that would be rather beautiful.  Just thinking about it brought a tear to my eye.  When I say 'eye' I, of course, mean urethra and when I say tear I mean 'pre-cum' but it's essentially the same idea.  That film would be sooo lovely, it would make my dick cry.  They can use that quote for their film poster if they want.

"Now, you see, what you want to do is go down the road about 100 feet , then pull over and go into the bushes.  That's the best place to explore my dark valley"

Erwin was transfixed, unable to move his gaze from the man's crotch.  It was downhill for the wedding ceremony from that point on.

Unfortunately, sometimes he does dress like Elvis Costello

"Let me read your palm.  See here is your life line, this is your heart line, and here, this line, that means I am about to cum on your tits"

Seriously - I have never fucked a Cabaret artist.  Do your duty and get naked with me!

"Oooh Sorry, I forgot that I had stepped in dog shit.  This is still sexy though right?"

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