Monday, 5 August 2013

Californication Culture

I like to think of myself as a fairly cultured person.  I mean, I don't really like opera or go to classical concerts very often but I can recognise most famous classical pieces when they are playing in the background of some porn.  Yes.  There are quite a few porn clips out there that have classical music as their soundtrack.  Not always with the most success I have to say.  When you are trying to have a good tug watching a daddybear, the 'Sabre Dance' tends to ruin the atmosphere a little.  And Barber's Adagio for Strings lends the chubby daddy fucking his wife on the couch a strange, existential quality.  Maybe the flailing cumshot at the end all over her tits was meant to remind you of all the fallen potential babies, falling on her bosoms like the soldiers in Gallipoli.  The sad thing is, I think they thought the music was romantic and lent an air of class to their home movie.  There are other ways to class up your movie, other than playing devastatingly depressing music, babies.  They could have tried not having flies buzzing around her vagina during the oral sex scenes.  Anyway, I digress.

But I'll be honest, classical music isn't my forte (boom boom).  I do always stop if I am flicking through the TV channels and an orchestra appears though.  You are usually guaranteed at least one hot chubby daddy, decked out in his sexy tuxedo on violin or cello.  There is something about them, in those dark trousers tight on their chubby thighs, black socks, shiny black shoes, sitting with their legs apart, whoring their crotches at the audience......sorry, I got a little carried away there.  It is especially nice, if you get to learn the name of someone.  In this case, the big hot gorgeous conductor.

Victor Vener is the music director of the Californian Philharmonic Orchestra and has been for the last 15 years.  It is essentially his baby and he has seen it grow in reputation under his guidance.  He has a Doctorate in Musical Arts (I know, I didn't know it was a thing either) and started out playing French Horn in several European orchestras.  I don't however know where he is originally from.  I like a man of mystery.  I also like that he is a fucking gorgeous big daddybear.  I am hoping that Cal Phil start doing naked concerts soon because he needs to be relished in the buff.  If you watch him, waving his arms around and bouncing up and down, just imagine his (no doubt) beautiful balls bouncing and jiggling around.  I hope you enjoy Dr Vener.

"Look at her boobs.  These are nice boobs"

God damn.  I wish I was that kid.  I'd be rummaging in Santa's sack all night

"Stop! Stop!  This piece is reminding of those flies around that woman's minge"

Harry Potter.  The Later Years

That is the look of a man who is bored to shit listening to the person next to him

"Hey Guys!  Over Here!  We found some weed!  Let's get wasted and play the theme from the Muppets!"

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