Sunday, 24 July 2011

A Hole in One

It's no secret that I am not a fan of Golf.  In fact, I beleive that I went into great detail about how much I detest this sport game activity time-vampire in my entry on Craig Stadler.  However, it does occassionally offer up some tasty morsels to behold.  Now I was not aware of this person until he was brought to my attention.  I was aware that the Golf Open was on television but I was busy doing something infinitely more fun - like stapling my penis to a table. 

Golf really is beyond me.  I mean I hate other sports, Cricket to name but one, but I understand why people watch it.  Golf???  You don't see anything.  Somebody swings, and then you get several shots of sky, and then you see something land on grass.  You need to have visual acuity of Steve Austin to see the ball in flight.  Pointless as a spectator sport.  Then there is the fashion - dear lord the fashion!  Essentially watching Golf is watching people dressed as twats walk about.  You might as well watch a charity fun run. 

I'm not ignorant of the news, so I am aware that there is a new golf sensation out there by the name of Rory.  Rory McSomething.  He is from Northern Ireland and he is good at hitting a ball with a metal stick.  I think he is still a fetus or something so that makes him exciting.  But he was not who was brought to my attention.  It was his agent.  Yes - golfers have agents.  Unfortunately they don't appear to have the power to say to players 'You are NOT wearing that'.  Now, remember how witty and urbane the golfing community is that Craig Stadlers nickname was 'The Walrus' because he had a moustache?  And that golfing articles named this as one of the best nicknames in golf?  Well they keep up the trend here.  Andrew Chandler runs the International Sports Management company and, as he is rather weighty, he is nicknamed........wait for it..........'Chubby'.   HAHAHAHAHA - oh you guys!  He is very cute indeed I have to say and I can think of better nicknames but I am not so sure that the golfing press would readily adopt Andrew 'Hairy Fuckpig' Chandler.  Snobs.

"Now I want you to do this after every birdie.  Turn to the crowd aaannnddd JAZZ HANDS!"

"Fist-bump for your awesome trousers!"

"Get a fucking haircut Rory - you look like a lesbian"

Golfers In Da Hood

"Tee Hee Hee!  Chubby!  You guys crack me up!"