Wednesday, 1 June 2011

Can you guess what I'm thinking?

Apologies for the late posting this week.  I have been poorly over the weekend.  I won't go into any details since I know you don't really give a shit .  Lying around feeling sorry for myself has allowed me time to saunter my way around the internet.  I have noticed something odd with gay chat sites (look  - I was bored lying around - don't fucking judge me) and I was wondering if this is a common thing or if it only happens to me.  Out of the blue, someone will send a message.  Now I presume they are either interested or just want a chat since they contacted me.  I have a quick look at their profile to see if I can get a sense of the person.  And also see if there are nude pics.  But then, it just ends up being an extremely frustrating experience.  I shall give you an example below (identities have been changed to protect the strangely disinterested) :

W.Brimley :   Hello
Me             :   Hi There.  How are you?
W.Brimley :   Good.  U?
Me             :   yeah, I'm good.  Just having a lazy day.  I like your pics
W.Brimley :   Thanks
(I now scramble to think of what to say to a complete stranger next)
Me             : So I see from your profile that you like 'X'
W. Brimley : Yes
Me             :  Cool.  How did you get into that?
W. Brimely : Read about it
Me             : OK.  Is that your partner in that pic with you?
W. Brimely : Yes
Me             : So.... what are you looking for?
W. Brimely : Don't know
Me             : well, it pays to keep an open mind I suppose.  What do you like?
W. Brimley : The usual.

At this point I decide not to reply anymore.  Seriously - are some people just completely incapable of holding a conversation?  Why would you contact someone only to respond to them in one word, aloof answers?  If I was speaking to someone in the real world and they responded like that, I would think 'well they are obviously not interested in speaking to me.  They are probably straight (all gay men are attracted to me)'.  But then, I didn't initiate this fucking time-vampire of a conversation.  He did.  What reply should I have given to 'Hello' that would have immediately have captured his limited attention span?  Maybe my initial response should have been "Hi! Wow! You are so hot in that grainy distance shot of you sitting on a wall!  I am immediately getting on a plane to come attach my mouth to your penis!".  Is that the correct internet etiquette?

Anyway, enough of my deathbed rants.  Yes - deathbed.  Bet you feel awful for not giving a koala bear's poop about my poorliness now eh?  Ok not deathbed exactly.  This week, I was reminded of this cutie when 'The Ring' came on television.  Not the original Japanese film but the American remake.  It is officially known as 'The most green-filtered film of all time'.  I could understand the blue filters on the lenses in outside scenes as they added to grim, bleak, wintery weather but green?  indoors?  It was like all the apartments suffered from Sick Building Syndrome.  What was strange was that some people would appear in the oddly green-tinted scenes with really healthy tans.  Without the green lens, these people must have been orange.  Anyhoo, he only appeared briefly and looked cute enough that I want to see him naked.  He is actually more famous for another role.  That of Matt Parkman's equally telepathic father in 'Heroes'.  He was criminally underused in that show.  The show was just criminal in all other regards.  His name is Alan Blumenfeld and he is a lovely, chubby American actor.  I am more used to seeing him clean shaven but he looked good with a goatee (The Ring).  He looks like he would be furry, I see him in a vest and baggy boxer shorts.  Possibly with black socks and sock suspenders.  Also though I see him naked, with his genitals oiled up for a good handjob session in a sling.  I like both fantasies.  He has a wonderful, tired, shagged-out look about him that makes him look sort of submissive, but only because he doesn't have the energy to resist - that connects to the second fantasy.  Given the nature of the internet, there must be some slash fiction out there with him in it.  I only want to see it if it's a high quality photshop picture story.  If it's not out there yet, it's your job to create it.  Get to it. mao, mao, di di mao.

"Wait...Dad... I am picking up a telepathic signal.... someone, somewhere, is right now writing a fanfic about us fucking!"

"No I have never read your fanfic 'The Parkmans Anal Cum Party' and I don't think I will.  Next question"

The closeness of the cast of Heroes is exlempified in this picture


  1. He's gorgeous and that's a plus; he's got no foreskin and that's a minus. What to do, what to do ...

    That other fellow on that creepy site full of old people and criminals would probably just find a picture of a 'skin and tack it on him. It's only showbiz, after all.

  2. You should watch CSI Las Vegas, season 10 episode 9 called Appendicment, there is a whole scene where he is shirtless, with his awesome gray-haired chubby chest :*